So I've been doing a lot of thinking about this lately. Why did I eat all the time? Why did I exercise to the point of blowing out my knee? Why do I wanna shop all the time? Well I've come to the conclusion that it's to numb my brain and keep me from having time to think.
My sister's just finished reading a book titled "Addiction and Peace" and she was telling me that one of the big "ah ha" findings in the book for her was that people with addictive personalities are uncomfortable to be alone with their thoughts. We feel the need to fill every moment with something...it's called filling space, so that we don't have to let our thoughts be out in the open. When we're starting to think about something that makes us uncomfortable or stressed, we will fill that space in our mind with something else to push the thought back down. One of the things the author recommends is when you feel the need to pursue the addictive behaviour (shopping, eating, gambling, drinking...etc.) you go and lie down on your bed and just "be". My sister has been doing this. She said at the beginning it was extremely difficult and uncomfortable but over time has become much easier and is definitely a calming routine.
People are always so busy...we're working, running kids around, running errands, looking after aging parents, trying to maintain households, going to the gym...and when we're not doing something we feel like we're being lazy or unproductive. We have lost the ability to just "be".
I'm going to work on this. And when my co-workers ask me in the morning "so what did you do last night" I'm going to say "nothing" and be proud of it.
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